It is probably the case that the political world has always lived in and strived for turmoil. Not just today, with ICE raids affecting our friends and family, multinational wars waging in multiple world theaters, and civil unrest and violence stirring even in our own streets. This is what is happening now. Or at least a little of what we know about.
When I was a kid here in Miami, we’d regularly be told about “the doomsday clock” and how close it was to midnight, a metaphor for how close humanity is to self destruction and global catastrophe. Being close to the Air Force base, we would regularly have nuclear drills, safety drills for nuclear war, where we were told to hide under the desks in class – all the while comically surrounded by giant jalousie windows.
Oh but wait there’s more. The teachers would show us these movies showing how buildings would be totally obliterated during a nuclear blast, while the trees would usually still be standing. So in my childhood mind, it seemed “the buildings always lost” — no matter what bomb, the buildings would be obliterated. As a kid, why would I want to stay in that building that was obviously going to fall?
As a result of what seemed to be ambiguities, and for peculiar reasons that I’m working through, it felt absurd to me as a kid to “hide under a desk with giant jalousie windows” looming over us (I didn’t have that word “absurd” as a kid, it was like a disconnected cartoon). But it was a common adrenaline fix, with everyone scrambling for the perfect desk, and me kind of mesmerized by these giant glass windows that are going to shatter and rain down on us along with the building itself, which was nearly promised by way of the videos. It seemed like it would be safer to run outside, to the trees.
As it turned out I was not able to express myself “well enough”, the teachers didn’t like those questions about the videos showing total obliteration of the buildings, and the trees, and the windows from me, even if those questions were related to the movies they had us watch. “Do as you are told!” was a common reframe, something I still wrestle with, and likely a contributor to why I spend probably too much time in finding the right words and shut down in confrontation.
[[ Breaking away from my childhood memories for a moment… As an adult, looking back on my childhood, is it safer to be inside a glass building than outside under a tree? Of course it is safer to be inside, even if in a glass building. But as a kid, it didn’t make sense to me, especially with these videos we were shown. While the glass turns out to be “secondary projectiles”, at least the primary projectiles aren’t going to hit you – not to mention the radiation fallout that is imminent. If the building survives, being inside the building even with windows that are blown out makes sense. All that said, are you “safer” under a desk than under a tree? Yes, of course you are safer under a desk in a glass building than you are sitting outside under a tree. But as a kid? As a kid, I had questions. ]]
Even today I still don’t know if hiding under a desk would have done much of anything if a nuclear war, other than maybe subject my knees to falling glass. But I do know this: These videos invoked fear in most of us, and the “drills” enforced civil obedience to authority regardless of the authority understood, and these activities did not do much towards understanding, communication, or connection with others.
Maybe that’s part of why I lean towards running from adversity, instead of continuing to ask and understand. Maybe it is simpler to just stay quiet, to sweep things under the rug, instead of working towards understanding, especially when complex human emotions are involved.
But today, as an adult, I am more and more convinced that “duck and cover” isn’t the answer, that fear and blind obedience are not the answer, that silence in the face of absurdity is not the answer. I am more and more convinced that pausing, that relating to others, that connection with The Others, that slowing down until the group is ready to move forward together in one accord, is the answer to so much, and maybe even more than that. Love is such a complex word. But I think, today, that maybe love is connection, is involvement with others. To understand, and to be understood. To pause, with others.
With whatever is going to happen, in love, in war, in hate, in embrace (and I do hope it is more love and embrace, for all of us) I think this song is what I needed to hear this morning.
Good morning. To each of you. I’m glad you are in my life.
The Beatles, “Let It Be”
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