The guy from Miami

Author: Guy

  • Stability in Motion: The Powerful Reason to Make Way in Life

    Stability in Motion: The Powerful Reason to Make Way in Life

    Early on in yacht racing we learn a few safety fundamentals. One is that a boat only finds its stability through motion. We find it by “making way”, making sure water is flowing over our fins. It’s much like riding a bicycle or spinning a top where if you stop you tip, in a yacht if you lose your momentum, you lose your ability to steer. Even if you find yourself knocked off course or pointing in a direction that you didn’t plan, you have to keep making way to keep the rudder alive.

    The Physics of the Crisis

    Sometimes life’s timing isn’t in our control, but even then you have to keep steerageway. You have to keep water flowing over the foils to be able to safely steer. It is part of the process towards success. When you trust the physics, when you trust the process, you aren’t just drifting. You are maintaining the momentum that allows you to eventually find the right line. Every slow tack, every violent gybe, it is all part of the flow that keeps you steerable and keeps you stable.

    That consistent steadiness at the wheel keeps you oriented, even when others don’t understand what you might be going through. That consistency is what we get at hope 4 life. It might be a gentle tack one week, and it might be a more significant gybe the next. But one thing is certain, and that is we keep moving. Maybe not always forward, because sometimes the headwind and the current pushes us backwards, sometimes we intentionally give way to find better air or better current, sometimes in this dance two steps forward includes once step back.

    And that’s okay. The important thing is, we keep showing up.

    Mostly though, through this journey, you’ll figure out this isn’t a solo sport. Life is a shared journey. With the friendships and coaching we continue to develop, even when we’ve “taken the ground” on that disastrous sandbar, another person in our life is there to right us — or at least stop us from sinking. And sometimes, that’s exactly what survival feels like.

    Keeping Your Rudder Alive

    Each day you can look back at the wake you left behind, that zig-zag path with lulls and rescues from the sandbar stoppages, and can accept it as part of your wonderful journey called life. In all the storms that battered you, and in all the touring with sunsets and dolphins, you stayed upright. It might have felt like a capsized sinking ship you lived through, but it wasn’t. You are here. Today. A brand new day.

    Keep your way. Trust the momentum. Trust the physics. Trust the journey. And keep showing up. You are worth it. I’m glad you are here. I’m glad I’m here.

  • Excuses Are Anchors in a Ferris Wheel World

    Excuses Are Anchors in a Ferris Wheel World

    “I attribute my success to this: I never gave or took any excuse.”

    ~ Florence Nightingale

    Most of us say we want to be better. It’s easy to say “we want growth!” What is far more difficult is accepting that growth requires taking responsibility and accountability for how we live and interact with others today.

    Consider, why did we start down this road at all? What was broken? What was unmanageable? What finally convinced us that something had to change?

    Faith groups, self reflection, therapy, counseling, and vulnerability with people who challenge and shape us can all contribute to growth. These spaces talk endlessly about childhood wounds. And yes, understanding our wounds matters. They often expose our triggers.

    Man in the (Broken) Mirror

    Man in the (broken) Mirror
    Man in the (broken) Mirror

    But realizations about our past do not result in repair. Somewhere along the way, explanations replaced accountability. What starts as understanding quietly turns into exemption.

    Many of us have reached a point where we at least in part understand how our childhood shaped us. That phase called understanding is often where people stop. It is convenient.

    Embracing radical responsibility as adults is treated as optional — an aspiration instead of the goal. Therapy becomes a shield instead of a tool. Insight becomes a defense. The past becomes our excuse, used to justify our toxic behavior instead of examining them. Trauma-informed language is used to bypass the discomfort of making amends and changing habits.

    Adverse interactions and experiences are often contributed to by both or many parties, not solely a single person. We participate. We escalate. We revert to childish patterns and blame it on something we claim to not control, or blame it on other people. It isn’t just uncalled for outbursts. Sometimes those childish patterns are pauses that are nothing more than passive aggressive silent treatments. Understanding our triggers does not excuse how we act. Rather, it demands that we act differently, even in the presence of similar triggers. That responsibility is ours.

    Going 'round and 'round
    Going ’round and ’round

    As a Ferris wheel goes round and round without making progress, so do many people spin through relationships without changing. “You are triggering me!” becomes a flag of honor to dismiss our problem, instead of a flag demanding self examination. Understanding is neither repair nor resolution. The only way toward betterment is radical accountability.

    Take away

    Take responsibility. Own your actions. Your childhood may explain patterns, but it does not excuse behavior. It does not excuse how you treat others, and it does not excuse how you show up to yourself and to others in your own life.

    Understanding our past doesn’t redeem us. How we choose to behave today does.

    Understanding to Transformation
    Understanding to Transformation

    References

  • A few easy guidelines for reflection groups

    A few easy guidelines for reflection groups

    Some of us have attended self reflection groups, whether they be Alcoholics Anonymous, or some other group. In general, these groups are places where you can explore the underlying reasons for behaviors that may not be as healthy as they could be, or are even destructive.

    Some groups decide to make so many “rules”, that in the end wind up being rules only “the insiders” are allowed to break. These aren’t healthy rules.

    Instead of rules, here are a few guidelines that help to make the setting a safer place for you, and a safer place for those around you. Remember, nothing is perfect, but these are to help guide you on your path.

    1. Focus on your own thoughts and feelings

    The idea of this guideline is that you aren’t here to fix anyone else. You are here to understand what happened in your life. There should be a lot of “me” and “I” in your talk. This isn’t about getting sympathy because “I married a narcissist!”, this is to help you understand your own part in the dynamic.

    2. No cross talk

    The time you are about to spend with other people is about holding space for each other. While you are talking, others should be giving you the space to share your life — and while other people are talking, you should be giving them that same dedicated space.

    If you have a phone? Turn it off or put it on airplane mode. Not just vibrate mode, but airplane mode. If you absolutely have to take a call? Then go outside before you even answer it. No one in the room should hear you say “Hello” to anyone on the phone. But the best is, turn the phone off.

    3. Here to support one another, not “fix” each other

    This time you are about to spend with each other, you are going to hear things that you probably know how to fix. It’s natural to want to offer solutions, especially when you feel you have helpful insights.

    But this isn’t the time or place for fixing each other. Let the other person experience what they need to experience.

    If after the meeting you absolutely feel compelled to tell someone how to fix themselves? Then go find a moderator for the meeting and discuss it with them instead of discussing it with the individual who has just expressed themselves.

    4. Anonymity and confidentiality

    You may hear things in this group that are unsettling, or that you otherwise feel a need to share. Remember, these aren’t your stories to share. If you need to share, find a moderator to share them with.

    This is a core of being a “safe enough” place. As it turns out, Walt Disney was right. It is a small world after all.

    You are about to hear information that is not your story, it is not your life. What is being shared about a boss or a significant other is not yours to share.

    When you leave this place, leave any desire to share what you hear with anyone else.

    If you feel compelled to share it with someone, to share sensitive details about someone else’s experience or discuss personal stories you’ve heard, find one of the moderators and share it with them instead.

    Do not share someone else’s story with anyone outside the group. When you leave, also leave the urge to share what you’ve heard

    5. Offensive & inflammatory language

    One common challenge we face is expressing ourselves effectively. Often, offensive language is used to “excite the crowd” or otherwise get a rise out of others. Sometimes it is used as filler words, because people are stumped on what to say next.

    If you feel an urge to fill the air with offensive language, take a breath, breathe deep, and pause. You have time to share. You can relax, and find peace, before you say your next words.

    If you feel an urge to vividly describe your encounter with someone using colorful language? Relax, and pause. This isn’t about them, and it isn’t about getting a rise or an “oh my” out of the crowd. It is about understanding yourself.

    6. Pass if not ready to share

    This is a welcoming place for you and for others. You can feel safe to pass if you are not ready to share, or if you’d like to just be silent for the time. If there is time at the end, the moderator may come back to you.

    A quiet room isn’t a problem. Stillness itself can be a sacred time.

    7. Upset by meeting

    If you get upset about something that happens during the meeting, for example offensive language, let it go during the meeting. It is not your place to correct anyone. If you feel upset by the meeting or what someone has said during the meeting, meet with the moderator after the meeting. Do not bring up your concerns during the meeting.

    It is the responsibility of the moderator to moderate the meeting.

    8. Role of the moderator

    The moderator is following the same rules as everyone else, with a few additions.

    • Time keeper: The moderator alone is the time keeper. No one else. If the moderator allows a person to go over for whatever reason, let the moderator control the meeting.
    • Evaluating meeting: The moderator will end sidebar conversations or interject if the primary speaker is having difficulty with expressing themselves, for example if there is offensive or inflammatory language.

    9. The Serenity Prayer

    You’ll find that many “healing circles” or “reflecting circles” are going to use a version of the Serenity Prayer that is attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr.

    “God grant me the serenity
    To accept the things I cannot change;
    Courage to change the things I can;
    And wisdom to know the difference.


    Living one day at a time;
    Enjoying one moment at a time;
    Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

    Taking, as He did, this sinful world
    As it is, not as I would have it;
    Trusting that He will make all things right
    If I surrender to His Will;
    So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
    And supremely happy with Him
    Forever and ever in the next. Amen.”

    It is a powerful prayer that can be over simplified, can be over spiritualized, and can be abused by others. But in its essence, it is guiding what many people in recovery struggle against — a need to make life the way their primitive black and white thinking minds want it to be, instead of accepting and embracing the multi colored rainbow of experiences that make up a full life.

    The next life

    When we start trusting that “life is”, and embracing the life that is around us, we begin to experience a fluidity and movement around us. Whether you believe “the next life” is a magical heaven, or “the next life” is the next breath you take, both work. As you become more at ease with accepting life as it is, you will experience a happiness that doesn’t exist when we feel a need to control the things around us.

    Used in many groups

    The prayer is posted in hundreds of places online, including a reference essay posted to Alcoholics Anonymous describing the origins (Service Material from the General Service Office, ORIGIN OF THE SERENITY PRAYER: A HISTORICAL PAPER), Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation, SoberSpeaks, and Celebrate Recovery.

    10. The Lord’s Prayer

    The Lord’s Prayer is found in Matthew 6:9-13 of the Bible

    “Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

    Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

    For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen.”

  • Happiness is in major part a choice

    Happiness is in major part a choice

    A friend of mine recently told me “Happiness is in major part a choice, at least for those of us that have brain chemicals who let us be happy. Medication doesn’t hurt either if the chemicals are out of whack.”

    I truly appreciated those words. And I consider some people I deeply love who say happiness isn’t an every day thing for them. One person described that every day she labels as a happy face or a sad face. For some people what they have will never be enough.

    Sunset Loreli, Islamorada

    For me, the days that God gives me breath are mostly happy days. Sure I have problems, and sure I am alone in this world. But thoughts of those things don’t take away my smiley face for long.

    Today I saved a lizard who was trapped in my bathroom. I had to use a tissue to protect him, he is so tiny! And I hope he finds happiness today. And I hope he is not alone for long. Because every person, every creature, deserves to find their “other” to dance with. Dance in the sun. Dance in the rain. Dance in good times. Dance in bad. Dance in love.

    So here’s to my happy day. And to your happy day. And to the happy day for the lizard.

  • “What is love?”

    “What is love?”

    “Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet.”

    ~~ Plato

    As others have also done and maybe even you, I’ve spent my share of money trying to resolve relationship battles. I’ve tried individual counseling, “Christian” counseling, couples counseling where you go once a week or whatever cadence, and even marathon counseling.

    Tens of thousands of dollars later? Yeah, I’m still single.

    Sections…

    Gottman counseling

    Doubt thou the stars are fire,
    Doubt that the sun doth move,
    Doubt truth to be a liar,
    But never doubt I love

    — Hamlet. Act II, scene 5
    Gottman sunset

    The most expensive was a fifteen thousand dollar weekend on a “Gottman Marathon” relationship counseling. In this three day “intensive” Zoom program (yeah, not even a HIPAA compliant platform, it was a Zoom session), the counselor asks questions here and there, then spends time with each person individually.

    In my program, one of the steps is that the counselor tried to get each person to process empathy. It didn’t go so well. According to the counselor, my partner had a problem processing empathy. On one of the counselor’s “one on one’s” with me, he mentioned histrionics and how my partner is able to “cry without tears”. As I’m asking about what he means, he says, “Well, you can’t discount pathology”. Really? That’s what I’m left with? You can’t discount pathology? Fifteen thousand dollars later and “you can’t discount pathology” is the conclusion? What does that even mean? For what it is worth, when I think of pathology, I think of Phineas P. Gage who had a railroad spike driven up through his head and skull.

    Anyway, on Gottman, I would not recommend it. Maybe if you have a better trained coach or something, but golly, the three days were tiringly useless. Use that money for a vacation, to make memories with each other, to create a common experience.

    Tacopsychology

    Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.

    Aristotle, Greek philosopher, 384bce – 322bce
    Taco Tuesday counseling

    Then there is this other kind of counseling. I don’t exactly know what it is called. I’m going to call it “Tacopsychology”. My dad and I have tacos and beer on Tuesday nights. It is a pilgrimage! A wonderful time we have shared for many months, for many years. My dad is a non emotive person, so really it is just… Tacos and Beer, a shared experience, sometimes with other people joining us. It is a pleasant time, and a time I look forward to every week. But it is largely not emotional. Until… it was.

    This one particular night in 2022, a few weeks after spending fifteen thousand dollars on a weekend for the already mentioned “useless for us” Gottman marathon, I guess my dad could tell I was hurting over this recent love. As I mentioned, he is a great guy, funny, laughs at jokes sometimes, and truly non emotive, so I really don’t ask him anything about life, or love. Then out of the blue, my dad told me what love is.

    My 94 year old non emotive dad tells me, “Son, love is when it hurts to not be with the other person.“

    That’s it. That’s all he said. He didn’t add anything to it, just took a drink from his beer. I’m left with my head exploding, going back to… I could have used that fifteen thousand dollar Gottman weekend money for shared experiences and a wonderful vacation building memories with my partner.

    What are “we” doing this weekend?

    In love, one and one are one.

    Jean-Paul Sartre, French philosopher, 1905-1980
    Peninsula Papagayo, Costa Rica

    After my shock subsided — it was a pleasant shock, I was truly appreciative of my dad’s comment, and I was letting it sink in — my dad went on a bit. My dad explained to me if you have to “ask” to be on someone’s calendar, it is something other than love. At some point, a relationship becomes “you are my calendar, whatever else comes second.” The person will want to be with you because it hurts to not be with you, and you will want to be with them because it hurts to not be with them.

    Seems a bit rhetorical. Kind of. But let me add some context here. This relationship I had gone through with Gottman that my dad was counseling me on, she was never responsible for the wellbeing of the other person in prior relationships, nor was the other person ever responsible for her. Almost all of them had real girlfriends, other lovers, even wives. The catch was, in these types of “vacation sex” relationships, the other person never requires a commitment from her either. So she was free to do whatever she wanted to do with whoever she wanted to do it with. So my partner explained how she believed prioritizing her friends over the relationship, including having separate vacations with her friends, was the most important things to her, and she expected me to have separate vacations as well.

    This “separate but equal” thing is not my thing. It doesn’t work. For what it is worth, separate but equal doesn’t work in racial segregation either. And this likely won’t be my thing. At least I’m thinking it won’t be my thing. I’ve got what, a couple dozen years left, if I’m lucky? I’m thinking, shouldn’t I want to create memories with my partner? Why would I want to go on a vacation with my “real” friends and leave my partner behind? Shouldn’t I want to bring my partner with me? To that end and more, why wouldn’t I want to bring my partner with me? In the end, I hope that the last breaths I take will be thinking of my person, and the memories that I’ve made with her.

    Absence makes the heart go wander

    Absence – that common cure of love.

    Lord George Gordon Byron, 1788 – 1824
    Weathering the storm

    Bear with me, because I’m coming back to my dad’s additional comments. After this “separate but equal” partnership was over, after tens of thousands of dollars in counseling, and after my dad tells me about what love is, I am sharing with a friend of mine about what my dad says about love. I tell her that my dad says love is when it hurts to not be with the person you love. I didn’t mention anything about my recent relationship, nothing about separate vacations, nothing other than the one statement that love is when it hurts to not be with your person. She reacted. She said something like, “well, you mean you miss them so much you can’t wait to see them when you get back from your alone time with your friends, right?”

    I was in shock! Two women in succession that feel the same way? This can’t be happening! Is this why there is so much divorce in this country? Is this why polyamory is a centerpiece discussion in many new relationships? Is this what partnerships look like? Partnerships are “intersection relationships” of life, where we only see each other when our lives intersect?

    I’m heartbroken!

    So the next day I go for a walk with my dad. I tell him this new mystery of life about Separate but Equal and vacationing alone, without your partner. He laughed at me! Really, my non emotive dad laughed at me!

    I asked my dad, “Why are you laughing at me?”

    He says, “Son, why would you want to go on vacation without the person you love, why wouldn’t you want to make those memories with the one you love?”

    And then it started sinking in. Love. Love isn’t just an act. Love isn’t just an action. Love isn’t even a decision. Love isn’t a response. Love is a lifestyle.

    I don’t know that I have ever been in a mutually beneficial relationship, one where I was the other person’s number one priority, and that she were my number one priority. Sure, there were moments of being a priority in the other person’s life, but number one?

    Number one. Even above self.

    That’s a tall order that I don’t think I’ve experienced.

    Spinning ’round on the big blue marble

    Love does not alter the beloved, it alters itself.

    Søren Kierkegaard, Danish philosopher, 1813 – 1855
    Sunset

    Looking back on my fifty five times around the sun, spinning on this blue marble we call earth, these two simple thoughts from my dad was overwhelming and truly… painful… to… hear.

    It was like, why didn’t I learn this when I was twelve? Is it really that simple? How did I miss this basic education?

    And at the same time, it was truly the most hopeful thing I had heard in my tens of thousands of dollars spent on counseling. So very hopeful.

    Make room in your heart. Love the journey.

    My take away

    The only way of knowing a person is to love them without hope.

    Walter Benjamin, German Jewish philosopher, 1892 – 1940

    My take away is today, make time for your person. Make memories with the one you love. Cherish every moment you have with them.

    At some point, one of you will be dead. And even while you live, you will never have today’s moments again.

    Thank you dad.

  • Love your person — always

    Love your person — always

    They say our actions and our words are a result of where our hearts are. We make sure those who we love are remembered. We call them. We remember them in Facebook posts – Facebook even helps us with “Facebook memories”! We reminisce with them. We make plans to climb the highest mountains with them when our bodies are healed and ready for the “next” adventure. Why? Because we love them. And we want everyone to know we love them.

    Most everyone needs love. And you can give that love! Whether it is a person who needs food, or a person who needs kind words, or a person who needs a break because life is tough, or a friend who you make plans to see in the future, or to climb that next mountain together. These are the ways we demonstrate our love.

    But sometimes it is exhausting, to give love to people. They aren’t in the same place in their lives, or maybe they are busy loving other people more than recharging you. Sure you can love them, but then somehow you need to find a way to get recharged yourself.

    So love everyone as best you can, and especially love your person. Today might be the last day of your life, or it might be the last day of their life. Love today. Fill your life with people who make it clear they deserve your love. Those people are not exhausting. Together, you will be able to love others more than you can do so alone.

    Find your person. Let go of your past. Let go of your fear. Let go of your plans. Let go of your life. And find your rhythm together … with your person.

    Love your pseon
  • Christmas eve nochebuena

    Christmas eve nochebuena

    Why hello! Nochebuena to you and to all you hold dear in your heart! Oh, maybe you haven’t heard that word before, Nochebuena. You see, Nochebuena is a Spanish word referring to the night of Christmas Eve and celebrated on December 24 every year. For Latin American cultures, it is often the biggest feast for the Christmas season and is the annual Spanish tradition. Nochebuena is the Spanish word for Christmas Eve.

    Christmas eve. The night we all wait on Santa Claus, reindeer, family and loved ones, and whatever angels you accept in your life. Yes, I’m working hard with that last sentence to keep us on the same page, I’m not trying to create a conflict with that sentence. 🙂

    But I’m interested, what’s on your mind this night? How are you doing tonight? It has been a difficult year for most of the world. Many of us care enough about other people and are “maskers” and “social distancers”. Many others feel every day needs to be explored in ways that don’t permit social distancing.

    Whatever your situation, the world has changed. And whatever you have gone through this year, if you are reading this, I care about you.

    What’s on my mind? Why thank you for asking! Golly, that is such a complex question.

    Well, you see, I’ve been thinking about west coast this Christmas Eve. But not the one that everyone knows.

    I’m thinking about the people who aren’t having a night that is good. I’m thinking about the hundreds of millions of human beings on this planet that need your prayers and meditations, but need so much more than that The people who are trying to make it to tomorrow. I’m thinking about “The Invisibles”.

    They aren’t thinking about Santa’s sled. They are thinking about their children who they are having an impossible time feeding. I’m thinking about the children who are starving in this country — and other countries in this world. Those children growing up malnourished and with fear every day, if they even make it to adulthood, are going to carry baggage in their hearts and their souls that I will never understand.

    I’m thinking about the west coast, but not the one that everyone knows. And it isn’t just those people on that coast. I’m thinking about every human being who has been marginalized, every human being who is hungry, every human being that doesn’t have even basic healthcare.

    And I hope you will spend just a moment considering them as well.

    Here’s the west coast I’m thinking about. Thank you Paul David Hewson for the powerful lyrics in this song to remind me how blessed I am.

    “A refugee is a person with ‘a well-founded fear of being persecuted for reasons of race, religion, nationality, membership in a particular social group, or political opinion.’” ~ The UN refugee convention (1951)

  • Immigration – Canada

    Immigration – Canada

    As some of you know, I’ve been looking into how different countries handle immigration. I’ve decided to document some of the things I find. Otherwise, I’ll likely never remember what I’ve researched.

    Today’s post is on Canada. Please note that this post was originally written in April 2019 with periodic updates. Please, check the official government articles for immigration advice.

    I’m going to do my best to understand how I can immigrate to the country, but my main interest is to understand how anyone can immigrate to a country.

    Immigration opportunities

    There are several different entry programs available for Canadian immigration. These include

    • Express Entry for skilled workers
    • Family Sponsorship for spouse, partner, children, parents, and grandparents
    • Start-up Visa, for immigrants interested in starting a business or creating jobs

    Federal Skilled Worker Program (Express Entry)

    The Federal Skilled Worker Program requires “earning” a minimum of 67 points out of 100 in a broad ranking between six categories. The categories are

    Canadian Language Benchmark (or CLB) points are “earned” based on knowledge of English and French, the two primary languages in Canada. Points are awarded in Speaking, Reading, Listening, and Writing. Maximum of 24 points is awarded in the first language, with an additional 4 points awarded if proficient in the second language.

    I’ve not taken the test yet, but it would be my expectation that I’d personally be able to “pass” the English language, obtaining 24 points in this category.

    The Education points is “earned” by obtaining degrees. A Bachelor’s degree “earns” 21 points. One year trade school certificate “earns” 15 points. High school education “earns” 5 points.

    In my case, a Master’s degree “earns” 23 points.

    Work Experience points are “earned” based on the number of years worked in a particular industry, based on a huge list of job codes accepted by Canada. Working six or more years in an industry “gains” fifteen points. One difficulty here is that experience itself (such as experience gained as a volunteer) does not count. You must have worked with a salary for 30 or more hours per week, but working while going to school or being self employed actually counts.

    This part was rather complicated. Searching for “cyber security” or “technology management”. In the end, I’ll be eligible for 15 points.

    Age is a Big Win if you are young! If you are 35 or less, you’ll gain 12 points! In my case, I’m over 47. I get zero points.

    This one is a bit more difficult, since it basically involves having a job offer. I’ll get zero points.

    Have a spouse who has great language skills? 5 points. Have relatives in Canada? 5 points. For me? zero points.

    Total points

    My total points are ( language 24 + education 23 + work experience 15 + age 0 + job 0 + adaptability 0 ) = 62. Wow. I have a great education with a master’s degree in Engineering and a thesis focused in Artificial Intelligence, I have money, I have work experience, and with all those “I’s”, I still don’t have enough points for a visa?

    Not the kind of country I am looking for.

    Family sponsorship

    Family sponsorship is particularly important to me for any country. Without the opportunity of providing immigration to aging family, immigration is kind of useless. In the case of Canada, requires that an individual who is immigrating two parents is making around $40,000 per year for three years. I’m not sure what type of wages are required in Canada, but the number does not look unreasonable.

    It is unclear whether the Family Sponsorship prevents family from using the healthcare system, or whether some overarching health insurance program is required.

    Startup Visa

    The Canadian Startup Visa requires that your business is sponsored by a designated venture capital organization.

    Healthcare

    According to the Canadian government Healthcare web site, healthcare is available to citizens and permanent residents. Of special interest, “All provinces and territories will provide free emergency medical services, even if you don’t have a government health card. There may be restrictions depending on your immigration status.”

    The answer for Canada

    It turns out immigration into Canada is not nearly as easy as the kind of open arms I expected to find.

    Let me explain. I’m expecting to discover a country with reasonably open borders and reasonably open immigration policies. The criteria I discovered while researching this case indicate that Canada is not nearly as open as I expected.

    References

  • Day 1 – 28 day challenge

    Day 1 – 28 day challenge

    I wound up being challenged to a 28 day Post Challenge, and this is day 1. This post is going to be more or less a journal of my day, with a few things added in here and there. So here goes!

    Reflection of the day

    Woke up this morning the house was cold, check the furnace she wasn’t burning. Went out and hopped in my old Ford, hit the engine but she ain’t turning

    Bruce Springsteen, One step up

    I’m at the end of my day, reflecting on the start and end. Have you had those days where you just wonder what happened to the time? It is already the middle of April, and I wonder how I’ve slipped off track. When I reflect on my year so far, I’m not excited about the “progress in life” that I’ve experienced. No, more importantly, I’m not excited about what I’ve given back to life. I guess the next 27 days is going to include some of this reflection from time to time.

    Oh I should mention. That primary photo on this post, the sunrise photo overlooking the bow of the Sea Vee 340Z? While that is how I’d like to spend every morning, it is not the picture of today. It was just in the memory of my mind’s eyes.

    Morning

    Woke up this morning with the sun shining, the birds singing, the flowers flowering. Yeah, not so much!

    But I did wake up to the morning sun. It was refreshing! Spent some time with my dad, a few health issues going on that I don’t wish to get into. Took my shower, dressed, and drove my hour to work. What is up with that? A whole hour to work every day, a whole hour back home. I just didn’t expect that by my early 50s I’d still be working for someone else. But this is my lot in life, and my toil under the sun.

    As some of you know, I’ve been working on my cholesterol…again. It spiked up! No fun. So, every day during the week I get my Magic Oatmeal fix.

    Breakfast! Oatmeal, water, banana, and coffee
    Breakfast! Oatmeal, water, banana, and coffee

    Breakfast consisted of Oatmeal, water, banana, and coffee. The Oatmeal was plain, I’ve gotten to where I can down the oatmeal with nothing in it! Coffee was shot up with sugar. 🙁

    Coffee-mate -- this is loaded with sugar, and as we know sugar is no good
    Coffee-mate — this is loaded with sugar, and as we know sugar is no good

    I am a policy and standards professional, largely focused on population health and cyber security. My work day consists of reading, analyzing, and writing to expand the craft. Today was focused on PCI (Payment Card Industry) policies, and achieving PCI certification for a large healthcare organization.

    This morning was focused on how to get a lot of my work completed in the next two months. My plan is to take a vacation in June, probably going somewhere out of the United States. So I’m tightly constrained on my time! Largely this effort is going to rely on other people that do not work for me, always an encouraging part of life.

    Mid day lunch

    Spending a few hours with a great coworker and fantastic boss, I was ready for lunch. My colleage and I have found an unbelievable opportunity at Whole Foods! No lie, Whole Foods, with good prices and great food. But, you have to know what to look for.

    In this case, we went to grab tacos from our favorite taco barista Brian! Five bucks, and he definitely gives us a great taco. I have a 1pm meeting, so I have to go a little earlier than normal. We get to Whole Foods, and …. no Brian! Oh no! We ask around, I talk with a few folks that I know, and it turns out that Brian hasn’t been heard from, and he lives alone. I hope he is okay.

    Well, after waiting about half hour, we decide to get the second best thing in the building, salmon!

    Salmon, loaded with Garlic, blackening, and key lime juice!
    Salmon, loaded with Garlic, blackening, and key lime juice!

    Unbelievably, Whole Foods will actually cook your salmon while you wait! This filet is around 9 ounces, and is absolutely delicious. Oh but wait, there is more!

    0.62 pounds for $6.19 !
    0.62 pounds for $6.19 !

    This high protein meal cost me six bucks! Unbelievably delicious.

    Through the day I have another banana, and a couple of apples. Not really a lot of food.

    End of the afternoon

    Tuesday afternoon, I’m just beginning to see, now I’m on my way It doesn’t matter to me, chasing the clouds away. Something, calls to me, The trees are drawing me near, I’ve got to find out why? Those gentle voices I hear, explain it all with a sigh.

    Moody Blues, Tuesday Afternoon

    And finally… Time to go home! I get to drive my hour home. Today is no different, still an hour to get home. I wind up spending most of it talking with my friend Joe, who has decided to join me for dinner! Rick and Nikki are also going to be there, and I invited my dad.

    We go to a Taco Tuesday place near where we live. I wind up with four chicken tacos. I’m suddenly glad I wound up with Salmon for lunch!

    Hole in the wall Taco Tuesday
    Hole in the wall Taco Tuesday

    And they have this rule. To get the tacos, you have to buy some kind of drink. I’m trying to not drink, so I decide to get a Coca Cola. Terrible sugar content. I mean, really terrible. Not good for my cholesterol.

    Big black vehicle with tinted windows
    Big black vehicle with tinted windows

    A peculiar thing happened again tonight. It seems the last few weeks I’ve seen these large black vehicles wherever I go. Here’s another, a large black SUVs, dark tinted windows, and always super clean, as though they are washed every single day. What is up with that?

    Evening (Time to Get Away)

    Evening has come to pass, The time of day doesn’t last. Evening, has earned its place today, I’m tired of working away. Working, living it brings, Only way to have those things. Toiling has bought too many tears, Turn ’round all those past years. Evening time to get away. ‘Til next day.

    The Moody Blues, Evening (Time to get away)

    So now it is 11pm. I spent some time with Mailjet, seems as though this web site is having problems sending through Mailjet. And sadly, I’m a Mailjet evangelist! I spent an hour trying to fix it, to no avail.

    I know, this has been a pretty boring post. You’ll have to deal with it for now!

    I’m going to spend a few minutes fixing this page, then going to sleep for the night. Tomorrow, if God gives me breath, will be another day. I want to wake early and get a HIIT in. I haven’t exercised since Saturday!!!! 🙁

    So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen

    So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night. I hate to go and leave this pretty sight! So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu, Adieu, adieu, to yieu and yieu and yieu! So long, farewell, au revoir, auf wiedersehen,
    I´d like to stay and taste my first champagne! So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye! I leave and heave a sigh and say goodbye,
    The sun has gone to bed and so must I … Goodbye!

    So Long Farewell from The Sound of Music

    As the sun has set, so I shall do the same…

    I’ve been awake since 7am. It is almost midnight. Total time awake? Seventeen hours. Total time getting ready for work, at work, driving to and from work? Almost 12 hours (7 am until 630pm). That left me five hours for all of my life, including this blog post.

    Tomorrow I will get up and do this all again… except for a few things differently.

    • Will exercise tomorrow morning! I will do some type of HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training). More on this later
    • Will have to fix this Mailjet
    • Need to activate a few phones on my cell carrier
    • Need to take back some product to Best Buy
    • Need to exercise again tomorrow night

  • Drugs

    Drugs

    This is going to be a difficult article. I recently heard about a friend of mine who has decided that drugs aren’t so bad, and he has chosen to use them. He says this is a completely sober decision, that he has done his homework on this one, that he isn’t addicted or anything, and that he is reasonably convinced that drugs aren’t the “ultimate bad thing” that many people put them off to be.

    Gosh. I just want to say, just say no.

    But it isn’t all that simple. Just telling someone what you believe to be true, especially a smart, intelligent man who has his life together? Saying, “Just say no” is like saying it might rain or it might be sunny. The words themselves don’t really mean much.

    I thought I’d write about why I think the way I think. It isn’t something that I’m reiterating because I’ve been told to do so, it is because of my own life experiences, and the experiences of those who I’ve known through my short time on earth.

    Let me promise you that I’m not here to judge you. I’m not trying to force you to believe like I believe. I’m trying only to encourage you to consider: What we do at each point in our lives has lasting impacts on us.

    Are drugs “bad”?

    Are drugs in themselves any worse than all the other crap we do to our bodies, like breaking ourselves in extreme sports, or eating hamburgers and other shitty food, or having these infamous sedentary lifestyles where we don’t get the exercise our bodies are supposed to get, or hanging out in the sun and getting these dark tans when later we’ll be faced with skin cancer, or living in congested cities and breathing the terrible polluted air that we’re forced to breathe, or drinking soda and sugary foods that have been proven time and again as terrible for our cholesterol and diabetes and internal organs?

    I mean, really, are drugs any worse than all that other stuff?

    Who knows.

    When it is all said and done, you are going to die of something. You’ll get run over by a truck, or your parachute won’t open when you go skydiving, or you’ll drown in Cozumel on your honeymoon with the woman of your dreams, or maybe you’ll be a lucky one and you’ll die of old age after enduring a life of happiness. But in the end, we’ll all die.

    With all that crazy stuff out of the way, are drugs bad? Really, who knows. But ask it a different way. Will doing drugs have an impact on your life? Yes, absolutely. Doing drugs will definitely have an impact on your life.

    My friends do drugs

    There is this saying in Spanish, maybe you’ve heard it. Dios los cría y ellos se juntan. In America they say Birds of a feather flock together.

    You might think hey, my friends are doing drugs, and for me to have my friends I need to also do drugs. You are right to know that you are the company you keep. If your friends are doing drugs, you are likely going to be a drug user too.

    Let me ask it a different way. Do you really want to be friends with drug users? Like it or not, most people do not do drugs. I don’t do drugs. Most of my friends don’t do drugs. If all your friends do drugs, man, go to a library or something, or a church, or something. Find new friends. In fact, one of the few nice things about church is that you are likely to find friends who are not doing drugs.

    Friends have their own lives

    Here’s a tale for you. Say you and your hombre are out drinking, maybe dropping a little 25i, smoking some Spice. This is your best friend, he has your back. He’s been there for you. He’s your wingman. He sells you only safe drugs, none of those laced up drugs. He isn’t hard on you for cash, he knows money is tough so he’ll hook you up even if you haven’t been paid.

    The both of you are driving in your car to a party, and your buddy has a zip of marijuana to share with your friends at the party. You know things are going to go well for the both of you because you’ll be meeting up with your mamacita at the party.

    Then, the lights come on. The policia are pulling you over for something. Whatever happened, headlight burned out, tail light burned out, ran a stop sign, but whatever happened, the policia decide to pull you over.

    You really think if things go down like this that your amigo is going to take a bullet for the drugs? Or do you think your amigo is going to put the XTC under your seat and tell the federales, “Hey man I have no idea what is in the car, it isn’t my car”.

    Let me clue you in. He is going to do exactly that. He is going to ditch the drugs wherever he can. Why? Because he’s going to think, maybe the policia won’t do anything, or maybe the policia won’t find the drugs, or maybe whatever, but if he comes clean with the policia right there, he is going to go to jail.

    Am I calling your friend a shitty friend? No. I am not. I’m saying, this is real life man. When shit goes down, your friend, he isn’t saying that it is your drugs, he is just saying that it isn’t his drugs.

    And in case you think you have a plan for when this happens, that you guys have worked out some kind of deal ahead of time? Yeah. Right. Mike Tyson said, “Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” And that is exactly how it is going to feel when you get arrested for your friend’s drugs.

    Supplier ties

    Here is one that I lived. This happened to me.

    A little background here. In the United States it is common for apartment buildings to demand multi month leases, usually 12 months or longer. I had lived in an apartment for about 9 years, and I was getting ready to leave the city. The apartment building decided to demand the 12 month lease, and I was not willing to sign that lease. A friend of mine owned a home and was willing to rent me a room month-to-month. I took him up on that offer.

    I quickly found out my friend was using drugs. This wasn’t a good thing, we both worked for a company that did random drug testing. I tried to talk with him about his using. He didn’t want to change, he said he had things under control. And I didn’t really care all that much. At the time, I was in graduate school, I had a busy life, his drug use didn’t affect me. So he continued to use, and I continued to pay rent. I never used drugs with him, we had our separate lives.

    About six months into our roommate situation he came into my room with a shotgun! I remember, it was a rusty looking shotgun, he kept that gun in his boat. And I was like, what the heck is this about?

    My new landlord, my long time friend, gave me the story. My friend told me that he always paid his drug debts. He had money, actually he had good money. He bought from a local guy who he had known for many years, an hombre from high school. Well, the local guy got in debt with his supplier. Apparently the local guy tried to make a deal with someone else and the deal went badly. And it turned out the local guy told his supplier that some of the buyers hadn’t been paying their debts, and my buddy was one of the people who had not paid.

    The local guy called my buddy and told him to watch out, because the supplier was going to try to collect. My friend told the local guy that he had no debts! But that didn’t matter. The problem was, the local guy was in trouble and was looking for options. The local guy told my friend that he was trying to “buy time” with the supplier. He said he just needed a little extra time to get the money to pay off his debt. But he said that the supplier was more than pissed off.

    So my friend decided he was going to “protect his property” if the supplier came after him for this debt that he did not owe.

    I told my friend, as he was standing there with this rusty shotgun, man, you are in a bad way. You think you are going to defend your property against a drug supplier with that rusty shotgun? If they come for you, they aren’t going to come alone. In his irrational thought process, my friend said well, if they come, he’ll at least take one of them out before they get him.

    Really, this really happened.

    That happened on a Tuesday after work. I moved out on Saturday.

    My friend never had the confrontation with the supplier. But he did go get help, and he realized that just the fact of buying drugs is dangerous. You wind up with people you don’t want to know in your life, or in your circles.

    Imagine if this happened with a family, or with a wife, or with children around. Do you think knowing drug users with kids around is safe? It just isn’t.

    Visas and immigration

    Do you know what happens if you get caught using drugs? Or even just having drugs in your possession? Even someone else’s drugs? Or like earlier, if drugs wind up in your car or your room because your friend stored or dropped them there? Even if it happens by accident?

    If you are in the United States on a visa, you are likely to face a bad situation. First, the United States will prosecute you. You’ll have a drug record. And then? Then they’ll deport you. You likely won’t be able to petition for another visa for at least ten years. The end of your time in the United States.

    The same thing happens in most countries. You wind up in prison for many years. Don’t believe me? Go search for penalty for drug use in any particular country. It isn’t good.

    And this is only if things go well. Things could go very worse.

    What is the take away? The take away is, if you will ever want a visa to another country, don’t do illegal things. Regardless of whether drugs are “bad”, the impact drugs will have on your Visa opportunities are profound. If you have a drug conviction in any country, your United States visa vanishes. It is revoked. Don’t believe me? Then you don’t know the half of it.

    Any illegal activity will immediately get you in more immigration and visa trouble than you’ll ever wish to know. Drugs are one of the worst of them. It doesn’t matter if they are “illegal drugs” or if they are prescription drugs that are being used illegally, both are classified as illegal by the government.

    Current employment

    Then there is employment. In all the jobs I’ve ever had the companies demand drug testing at the beginning, and random drug testing throughout your employment.

    What happens if I get caught using or even having drugs? I get fired. Very first thing. Immediately. I don’t even have to be convicted, I only have to be arrested. The companies in the United States will simply terminate your employment.

    Sounds harsh? Consider if you are the boss man. Let’s say you own a pizza company. You have one of your employees deliver a pizza. And the guy has a car accident. Guess what? You will get sued. Why? Because everyone gets sued when there is a problem It is just like that. When anyone lawyers up, everyone gets sued.

    Then during the course of the investigation the prosecutor finds out that your employee, who you sent out to deliver pizza, had a prior drug conviction or was caught with drugs. Immediately, there is going to be concern that the delivery driver was high when he was driving.

    And you, the owner of the company, is likely to be held responsible for sending this guy who you should have known about out with a car.

    And as the owner of the company you are going to have to pay for being negligent, even if your employee was not “high at the time of the accident”. It is just that way. You think it isn’t like this? It is exactly like it is. I’ve been that boss who got sued. It was not a good situation.

    Go ask a couple of employers what happens if you get arrested for any drug charges. If you don’t want to ask, then maybe you should realize that hesitation in you is maybe god’s way of telling you something is not so right about using.

    Future employment

    Did you just find out that your current employer doesn’t care about drug convictions? Let me promise you, that is not normal. Of all the jobs I’ve had, there are none that would have hired me if I were a drug user. It is even worse though. Many companies will simply discard your resume if you have had prior drug convictions.

    Why? You think that is mean or harsh? Man, you have no idea. Companies won’t hire you for having a bad resume. Consider you as the boss though. You have to hire someone. If two resumes come to you with similar experiences, but one of the guys has been arrested for something — for anything, drugs or anything else — who are you going to hire? Come on, if you say you’d hire the guy who has been arrested over the guy who has no arrest record, you aren’t telling the truth. If I had to hire someone, I’d rather hire someone who did not have a police record. I’m not trying to judge anyone. It is just why not take the guy who has no record?

    Illegal activity will get you banned in larger companies. It isn’t about judging anyone. It is about following the basic rules. If you are going to take risks, don’t take dumb risks like those involving drugs. Take smart risks.

    But you said your friends are drug users. What about them? Man, going back to friends, go model your life after people who are successful. Dios los cría y ellos se juntan.

    I have this saying: If you want to be a better billiards player, play billiards with better billiards players. Same goes for everything. Picture yourself in ten years. You’ll want a career by then. Don’t do something stupid today that might have this kind of terrible impact on your life tomorrow.

    Health

    What about health consequences? I don’t know. I have limited knowledge of health consequences, I’ve not researched health consequences in general for drug users. I know heroine is horrible, and a surefire way to die. I know that intravenous drug use will get you dead pretty quickly too.

    I know that most drugs you’ll buy on the streets are laced or packed with something. Crack and cocaine are likely laced with Fentanyl, a deadly drug. Molly? Yeah, Molly isn’t somewhere you want to go man.

    What to do instead

    Gosh, there are so many things to spend your money on! Are you and your girlfriend spending ten bucks a day on drugs? That isn’t so much. Ten bucks a day. But ten bucks a day for a month will get you a stay in a nice hotel. Or a few very beautiful dinners. Or buy you a great guitar. Or a new computer. Ten bucks a day for two months will get you a plane ticket to almost any country in the world.

    But what about the immediate right now wow factor? I mean, you are using drugs because you want the high now, not to go on vacation next month. Man, get yourself some beer. Or vodka. Or something that is legal. Or get drunk. Find different friends. Man if you need to, find yourself a new city, a new country.

    You just don’t want this. Drugs are a gateway to a very bad life.

    Try to picture yourself as an older man, say fifty years old. What have you done with your life by now? By fifty? Of all the things you’ve done by then, whether it is getting married, or having children, or building a great company, or going on a cruise with your mom, are you going to be proud of using drugs when you talk to your younger self?

    Yeah, there are people who do just fine using drugs. But doing just fine using drugs is not the normal. Normally, drugs wind up being very bad news for everyone.

    It just isn’t worth it.

    Just say no.

    Love you man. I really do. I think of you and your family every single day. I want the best for you and all of your family. Drugs aren’t the best. Go have a few beers. But figure something else out. Anything other than drugs.

  • Cholesterol: Managing your health through healthy eating and living

    Cholesterol: Managing your health through healthy eating and living

    I have a bit of “bad blood” in my family.  I mean, bad blood, as in heart attacks, strokes, blood clots, you know, that kind of bad blood.  The other kind of Taylor Swift bad blood is beyond the scope of this blog! 

    Anyway, it seems the magic number was 50 for me. As I approached the age that my family members have succumbed to these negative chronic blood related illnesses, I decided to be a little proactive and go in for a medical checkup.  What came back was not to my liking.  Cholesterol trouble.  High cholesterol by any other name is… still bad blood.  I knew the results of uncontrolled cholesterol can lead to significant long-term chronic illnesses including heart disease.  Even more alarming, my cholesterol reading wasn’t just my concern.  It turns out my cholesterol reading was way more than what the doctor wanted to see for a patient that presents with a family history of bad blood.

    (more…)
  • Flour Tortilla Pizza!

    Flour Tortilla Pizza!

    Pizza pizza pizza!  Do you enjoy trying simple recipes?  This is a great simple recipe for a delicious pizza night.  

    (more…)
  • Cinnamon rolls

    Cinnamon rolls

    Have you ever visited a Cinnabon?  Well, I have!  And anyone who has ever visited an airport in the United States has likely been tempted by the smell of fresh cinnamon rolls coming out of the oven!

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  • Fluffy buttermilk pancakes

    Fluffy buttermilk pancakes

    This is the best pancake recipe I’ve found, made with improvised buttermilk.  Try them!  If you like them, please send me a note!

    (more…)

  • Neiman Marcus Chocolate Chip Cookie

    For those of you who know me, you know that I lead my life the way President Reagan was taught by the Russians — trust, but verify.

    (more…)

  • Sailing Vessel Mystiko

    Sailing Vessel Mystiko

    Sail racing requires coordination among the crew, significant communication during the race, and planning.  Lots of planning.  Quite regularly, the positions on a racing sailboat are clearly identified but poorly defined.  Things happen quickly during a race — even on a slow sailing vessel!  In order to keep everyone safe, and at the same time make sure the boat can “go fast!”, it is important that everyone understand their particular roles and responsibilities, and also understand the roles of the other players involved.  Even beyond that, though, communication is ultimately important to win any race! (more…)