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Many of us have seen the cute little sharing test videos of parents with their young child, where the young child is put to a test of what we collectively view as morality, or fairness, or socialization norms.

There might be cookies on a plate, where one of the parents have one cookie, the child has two cookies, and the other parent has no cookie.

Sometimes we are hoping the little kid will give one of their cookies to the parent with no cookie. But that doesn’t always happen.

Sometimes little kid winds up eating all three cookies, since the one parent is just staring at the cookie like a dummy, I suppose the kid is very pragmatic and thinks, what you waiting for?

Sometimes the little kid eats their two cookies, then takes the cookie from the parent with a cookie and gives that cookie to the parent without a cookie.

And yeah, sometimes the kid gives one of their cookies to the parent without a cookie.

It’s… cute.

But is it reasonable? Is it realistic?

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One in particular really got me thinking. The parents put candy under a red solo cup, two under the child’s cup, one under one of the parent’s cups, and none under the other parent’s cup.

Then they lifted all the cups. The little kid was looking back and forth at the two parents. Finally the one parent eats their prize, leaving two in front of the little kid.

After what felt like a very long time, the little kid took one of their candies, put it on the plate of the “non winning” parent, then put the red solo cup back on the candy, and pulled it back off, revealing … a winning candy!

And it got me thinking.

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That same little kid is going to wind up in a world of “haves” and “have nots”, of “winners” and “losers”. In a very big way.

We do this.

• We enter our little kids into spelling bees, to be “better than the next kid” and get a trophy.
• We enter beauty pageants, to show that we are prettier than the next.
• We encourage our children to get good grades and “break the curve” if at all possible.
• We fight for our football team to crush the other team.
• We join race teams, to run faster or ride faster than the next fellow.
• We race sailboats (or at least I do), and fast… real slow… all to win a cup, or sometimes it is just to win a shirt or a drink at the bar, or sometimes it is just to win bragging rights.

This world, or at least this country, is all about keeping up with the Joneses, whoever they are.

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So, I ask, what’s with the stupid little cookie game we play with our children? Because we only do that before they experience the world.

But truly, there is a nuance, a dichotomy in this world where both Competition and Collaboration can exist. Sometimes competition may lead to an even more satisfying solution.

And now, to think, are you going to share your hard earned Halloween candy with your neighbor?

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The Instagram video that started me thinking:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DP7-ekhCgTP

Last day of June. Half the year behind us, half still ahead. Six months since New Year’s Eve, six months to the next New Year’s Day.

What did the first half teach you?

What have you learned? What will you carry forward? What will you do again? What will you leave behind?

For me? The first half of my life has been a journey towards being present over perfect.

The road ahead

Here’s to beginning again… to reimagining, to reframing, and to re-imaging. To figuring out what matters to us, and understanding what matters to those around us.

To love ourselves, and to love again.

Ice cream

As I reflect on my years, ice cream comes to mind. John Gottman, the famed psychologist, says life, love, and relationships are built on bids and connections, on embracing shared opportunities. Life lives on the turning towards.

The last few years I had with my dad I was working hard towards a more healthy lifestyle. I was running a 5k nearly every day, and changing my habits to live a longer life. He’d ask me (bid?) to have ice cream with him nearly every night, and nearly every night I’d logically explain how I was striving and working on my healthy lifestyle.

If I had to do it over again, I’d have that ice cream with him… every single night.

Ask me again, and I’d say yes.

That’s my hope for my next six months. To embrace more Yes.

Especially if you ask me to ice cream.

Some of us have attended self reflection groups, whether they be Alcoholics Anonymous, or some other group. In general, these groups are places where you can explore the underlying reasons for behaviors that may not be as healthy as they could be, or are even destructive.

Some groups decide to make so many “rules”, that in the end wind up being rules only “the insiders” are allowed to break. These aren’t healthy rules.

Instead of rules, here are a few guidelines that help to make the setting a safer place for you, and a safer place for those around you. Remember, nothing is perfect, but these are to help guide you on your path.

1. Focus on your own thoughts and feelings

The idea of this guideline is that you aren’t here to fix anyone else. You are here to understand what happened in your life. There should be a lot of “me” and “I” in your talk. This isn’t about getting sympathy because “I married a narcissist!”, this is to help you understand your own part in the dynamic.

2. No cross talk

The time you are about to spend with other people is about holding space for each other. While you are talking, others should be giving you the space to share your life — and while other people are talking, you should be giving them that same dedicated space.

If you have a phone? Turn it off or put it on airplane mode. Not just vibrate mode, but airplane mode. If you absolutely have to take a call? Then go outside before you even answer it. No one in the room should hear you say “Hello” to anyone on the phone. But the best is, turn the phone off.

3. Here to support one another, not “fix” each other

This time you are about to spend with each other, you are going to hear things that you probably know how to fix. It’s natural to want to offer solutions, especially when you feel you have helpful insights.

But this isn’t the time or place for fixing each other. Let the other person experience what they need to experience.

If after the meeting you absolutely feel compelled to tell someone how to fix themselves? Then go find a moderator for the meeting and discuss it with them instead of discussing it with the individual who has just expressed themselves.

4. Anonymity and confidentiality

You may hear things in this group that are unsettling, or that you otherwise feel a need to share. Remember, these aren’t your stories to share. If you need to share, find a moderator to share them with.

This is a core of being a “safe enough” place. As it turns out, Walt Disney was right. It is a small world after all.

You are about to hear information that is not your story, it is not your life. What is being shared about a boss or a significant other is not yours to share.

When you leave this place, leave any desire to share what you hear with anyone else.

If you feel compelled to share it with someone, to share sensitive details about someone else’s experience or discuss personal stories you’ve heard, find one of the moderators and share it with them instead.

Do not share someone else’s story with anyone outside the group. When you leave, also leave the urge to share what you’ve heard

5. Offensive & inflammatory language

One common challenge we face is expressing ourselves effectively. Often, offensive language is used to “excite the crowd” or otherwise get a rise out of others. Sometimes it is used as filler words, because people are stumped on what to say next.

If you feel an urge to fill the air with offensive language, take a breath, breathe deep, and pause. You have time to share. You can relax, and find peace, before you say your next words.

If you feel an urge to vividly describe your encounter with someone using colorful language? Relax, and pause. This isn’t about them, and it isn’t about getting a rise or an “oh my” out of the crowd. It is about understanding yourself.

6. Pass if not ready to share

This is a welcoming place for you and for others. You can feel safe to pass if you are not ready to share, or if you’d like to just be silent for the time. If there is time at the end, the moderator may come back to you.

A quiet room isn’t a problem. Stillness itself can be a sacred time.

7. Upset by meeting

If you get upset about something that happens during the meeting, for example offensive language, let it go during the meeting. It is not your place to correct anyone. If you feel upset by the meeting or what someone has said during the meeting, meet with the moderator after the meeting. Do not bring up your concerns during the meeting.

It is the responsibility of the moderator to moderate the meeting.

8. Role of the moderator

The moderator is following the same rules as everyone else, with a few additions.

• Time keeper: The moderator alone is the time keeper. No one else. If the moderator allows a person to go over for whatever reason, let the moderator control the meeting.
• Evaluating meeting: The moderator will end sidebar conversations or interject if the primary speaker is having difficulty with expressing themselves, for example if there is offensive or inflammatory language.

9. The Serenity Prayer

You’ll find that many “healing circles” or “reflecting circles” are going to use a version of the Serenity Prayer that is attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr.

“God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next. Amen.”

It is a powerful prayer that can be over simplified, can be over spiritualized, and can be abused by others. But in its essence, it is guiding what many people in recovery struggle against — a need to make life the way their primitive black and white thinking minds want it to be, instead of accepting and embracing the multi colored rainbow of experiences that make up a full life.

The next life

When we start trusting that “life is”, and embracing the life that is around us, we begin to experience a fluidity and movement around us. Whether you believe “the next life” is a magical heaven, or “the next life” is the next breath you take, both work. As you become more at ease with accepting life as it is, you will experience a happiness that doesn’t exist when we feel a need to control the things around us.

Used in many groups

The prayer is posted in hundreds of places online, including a reference essay posted to Alcoholics Anonymous describing the origins (Service Material from the General Service Office, ORIGIN OF THE SERENITY PRAYER: A HISTORICAL PAPER), Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation, SoberSpeaks, and Celebrate Recovery.

10. The Lord’s Prayer

The Lord’s Prayer is found in Matthew 6:9-13 of the Bible

“Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen.”

It is probably the case that the political world has always lived in and strived for turmoil. Not just today, with ICE raids affecting our friends and family, multinational wars waging in multiple world theaters, and civil unrest and violence stirring even in our own streets. This is what is happening now. Or at least a little of what we know about.

When I was a kid here in Miami, we’d regularly be told about “the doomsday clock” and how close it was to midnight, a metaphor for how close humanity is to self destruction and global catastrophe. Being close to the Air Force base, we would regularly have nuclear drills, safety drills for nuclear war, where we were told to hide under the desks in class – all the while comically surrounded by giant jalousie windows. 

Oh but wait there’s more. The teachers would show us these movies showing how buildings would be totally obliterated during a nuclear blast, while the trees would usually still be standing. So in my childhood mind, it seemed “the buildings always lost” — no matter what bomb, the buildings would be obliterated. As a kid, why would I want to stay in that building that was obviously going to fall?

As a result of what seemed to be ambiguities, and for peculiar reasons that I’m working through, it felt absurd to me as a kid to “hide under a desk with giant jalousie windows” looming over us (I didn’t have that word “absurd” as a kid, it was like a disconnected cartoon). But it was a common adrenaline fix, with everyone scrambling for the perfect desk, and me kind of mesmerized by these giant glass windows that are going to shatter and rain down on us along with the building itself, which was nearly promised by way of the videos. It seemed like it would be safer to run outside, to the trees. 

As it turned out I was not able to express myself “well enough”, the teachers didn’t like those questions about the videos showing total obliteration of the buildings, and the trees, and the windows from me, even if those questions were related to the movies they had us watch. “Do as you are told!” was a common reframe, something I still wrestle with, and likely a contributor to why I spend probably too much time in finding the right words and shut down in confrontation.

[[ Breaking away from my childhood memories for a moment… As an adult, looking back on my childhood, is it safer to be inside a glass building than outside under a tree? Of course it is safer to be inside, even if in a glass building. But as a kid, it didn’t make sense to me, especially with these videos we were shown. While the glass turns out to be “secondary projectiles”, at least the primary projectiles aren’t going to hit you – not to mention the radiation fallout that is imminent. If the building survives, being inside the building even with windows that are blown out makes sense. All that said, are you “safer” under a desk than under a tree? Yes, of course you are safer under a desk in a glass building than you are sitting outside under a tree. But as a kid? As a kid, I had questions. ]]

Even today I still don’t know if hiding under a desk would have done much of anything if a nuclear war, other than maybe subject my knees to falling glass. But I do know this: These videos invoked fear in most of us, and the “drills” enforced civil obedience to authority regardless of the authority understood, and these activities did not do much towards understanding, communication, or connection with others.

Maybe that’s part of why I lean towards running from adversity, instead of continuing to ask and understand. Maybe it is simpler to just stay quiet, to sweep things under the rug, instead of working towards understanding, especially when complex human emotions are involved.

But today, as an adult, I am more and more convinced that “duck and cover” isn’t the answer, that fear and blind obedience are not the answer, that silence in the face of absurdity is not the answer. I am more and more convinced that pausing, that relating to others, that connection with The Others, that slowing down until the group is ready to move forward together in one accord, is the answer to so much, and maybe even more than that. Love is such a complex word. But I think, today, that maybe love is connection, is involvement with others. To understand, and to be understood. To pause, with others.

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With whatever is going to happen, in love, in war, in hate, in embrace (and I do hope it is more love and embrace, for all of us) I think this song is what I needed to hear this morning. 

Good morning. To each of you. I’m glad you are in my life.

The Beatles, “Let It Be”

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“Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.” – Marcus Aurelius

Remembering this morning that you are good. I’m glad to know each of you.

“The wound is the place where the light enters you.” – Rumi

You are not healing to handle trauma. You are healing to handle joy.

I’m on this journey at the moment. I’m just beginning to accept, I deserve to love, and I deserve to be loved. Fully, right where I am, in all my fullness of pain, in all my fullness of joy, in the good, in the bad. I deserve to be loved, and I deserve to love.

Right now.

Today.

Just when one might think they’ve paid “all” their taxes, their birthday comes up and vehicle registration tax along with it. In Florida, this happens with the onset of your birthday. You get a birthday card from the county asking for more taxes.

There are a number of ways to pay this tax. I’m writing this so I’ll be able to find the most reasonable web site next year! In Florida at least, there are “fees” to add to the tax bill, associated with how you are going to pay the vehicle registration.

Table of contents

And for what it is worth, that vessel in the photo is not registered in FL, so no FL taxes were paid. The rest of my vehicles are FL registered, and of course along with that comes the tax.

Pay via bank push

One way to pay is via a bank account. You can log into your favorite bank, and “push” the payment to the county. This is the best advice if you remember to pay in advance. You can log into your bank, and send the check via the bank.

Be sure to add as much information from the registration as possible. For example, add the PIN number to the check Memo field, and the Tag/Decal/Vessel #, and any other identifiers that are available.

Florida highway safety and motor vehicle web site

Convenience fee of $2

This is the least expensive online option that I’ve found. If you know of others please send me the links and I’ll share it for others.

https://www.flhsmv.gov/

Redirects to https://mydmvportal.flhsmv.gov/Home/en/Account/Landing

Renewexpress.com

Convenience fee of $3.50

Fascinating. On the FRONT of the Miami-Dade county registration renewal notice is a private company URL owned by “Grant Street Group” in Pittsburgh. One might wonder why a private company advertised on the front of the renewal notification?

Miami Dade tax collector web site

Convenience fee of $3.50

Printed on the back of the registration renewal. This routes to the Grant Street company printed on the front

https://county-taxes.net/fl-miamidade

I’ve heard it said that even if I speak as eloquently as an angel, but I do not have love? I am just a noise maker.

If I have a crystal ball and even if I can explain the mysteries of the universe, but I do not have love? I am nothing.

If I give everything I have to the homeless, and work my body to sweat and tears, but do not have love? I gain nothing.

Love. What is love? Maybe love isn’t something you see. Maybe it is something you do. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love? Love does not envy, love does not boast, love is not proud.

Love does not dishonor others, love is not self-seeking, love is not easily angered, love keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil. Love? Love rejoices with the truth.

Love. Love always protects. Love always trusts. Love always hopes. Love? Love always perseveres.

Love never fails.

Where there are ideas about the future? “After all, tomorrow is another day?” Fantasies and fears of the future cease, when love comes to town.

Where today is filled with harsh words and tears? Those words end, when love comes to town.

Where there is holding on to promises and plays of yesterday? Those memories pass away, when love comes to town.

For we “know” the past only in part, we never have a complete picture. And we have ideas of the future only in part, we never know until time passages. And even then, we don’t.

But love? Love is completeness of one’s soul. Love is complete. When completeness comes, what is only known “in part”, the past, the future disappears.

You see, yesterday when I was even more of a child than I am today, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like an incomplete and incompetent child.

When I become an adult, I will put the ways of children behind me.

Today I see only a reflection as in a mirror. Tomorrow, when love comes to town, then we shall see completeness. Face to face.

Today I know in part. When love comes to town I shall know fully, as I will be fully, vulnerably known.

So I am left with three things remaining in my very small very short bucket called life. Faith, hope, and love.

And the greatest of these? Is love.

Happy Valentine’s day.

1 Corinthians 13 revisited

A friend of mine recently told me “Happiness is in major part a choice, at least for those of us that have brain chemicals who let us be happy. Medication doesn’t hurt either if the chemicals are out of whack.”

I truly appreciated those words. And I consider some people I deeply love who say happiness isn’t an every day thing for them. One person described that every day she labels as a happy face or a sad face. For some people what they have will never be enough.

For me, the days that God gives me breath are mostly happy days. Sure I have problems, and sure I am alone in this world. But thoughts of those things don’t take away my smiley face for long.

Today I saved a lizard who was trapped in my bathroom. I had to use a tissue to protect him, he is so tiny! And I hope he finds happiness today. And I hope he is not alone for long. Because every person, every creature, deserves to find their “other” to dance with. Dance in the sun. Dance in the rain. Dance in good times. Dance in bad. Dance in love.

So here’s to my happy day. And to your happy day. And to the happy day for the lizard.

Hello Internet! How are you doing? I’m glad to hear it! Oh how am I doing? Well I’m okay. Honestly I’m not really great. But I’m truly doing all the better for your asking!

I’ve got a story to tell!

I recently met someone who noticed turmoil I was going through. The initial comment was very kind, something about the words we use are useless, it is the way we are made to feel that is important. And the person recommended a book that I was told describes a way of life: non violent communication.

Then amazingly enough the very next day someone else I know and respect said they listened to the book. The same book! I guess it is time to read.

Hmm. A bit of background. The turmoil I’ve been in is that in certain relationships I’ve been made to feel, well, irrelevant? I’m not sure that is the best word for what I’ve felt, but that’s the one I’ll use at the moment. And it is painful when I’ve tired to tell the persons how I’m made to feel, and they’ll double down on whatever they said to make me feel even less relevant.

Tell a man you love him a thousand times, and he may believe you. Show a man you hate him once and he will believe you forever.

I remember one recent situation where I was trying to describe an encounter, and I used the phrase “a thousand times”. No, at the time I didn’t think it was hyperbole. I had not counted, but at the point when I said it I was exasperated, and stressed, and feeling quite irrelevant. So I said it with pain in my heart, but I was trying to get to a more relevant part of the discussion. Should I have validated my claim? Well, maybe. But I didn’t think it was relevant to validate the claim, whether it was a hundred, or a thousand, or 20,000 was not relevant for the conversation. It was relevant in comparison to another number, and the other number was a known order of magnitude less than this number.

The other person derailed the conversation with confusion and frustration by arguing that it was only eight hundred and seventy three times (or something like that) versus my “overstatement” of one thousand. While at the moment I had not counted the number of times the thing had happened, it was actually irrelevant to the way I was made to feel. I had tried to explain this so many times to my friend, and my words were ineffectual. Even if it was one time, the edge of that sword was extremely painful, and discussing painful things is, well, painful.

The end result

The end result? My friend and I never resolved the conflict because they derailed the conversation with a meaningless argument. As it turns out, I went back and looked. It was more than a thousand. I stopped counting at a thousand. So does that help me? No. It doesn’t. One time, one hundred times, one thousand times. Eight hundred and seventy three times? All are irrelevant.

I’m left with this. I really did want to work it out with my old friend. So what could I have done to eliminate the opportunity of my friend to bash me in the middle of the discussion with “it’s only 800 times!” ? Are there tools that I can learn to reduce or prevent the other person from derailing a conversation? Are there techniques I can learn to get conversations back on track after they go off the rails?

I don’t know.

Nonviolent communication

The person I recently met recommended that there are tools and techniques that will help me on my journey, mentioning something like “I hardly ever say anything without being asked, but I can tell you are open”.

Those were encouraging words.

I hope to learn.

They say our actions and our words are a result of where our hearts are. We make sure those who we love are remembered. We call them. We remember them in Facebook posts – Facebook even helps us with “Facebook memories”! We reminisce with them. We make plans to climb the highest mountains with them when our bodies are healed and ready for the “next” adventure. Why? Because we love them. And we want everyone to know we love them.

Most everyone needs love. And you can give that love! Whether it is a person who needs food, or a person who needs kind words, or a person who needs a break because life is tough, or a friend who you make plans to see in the future, or to climb that next mountain together. These are the ways we demonstrate our love.

But sometimes it is exhausting, to give love to people. They aren’t in the same place in their lives, or maybe they are busy loving other people more than recharging you. Sure you can love them, but then somehow you need to find a way to get recharged yourself.

So love everyone as best you can, and especially love your person. Today might be the last day of your life, or it might be the last day of their life. Love today. Fill your life with people who make it clear they deserve your love. Those people are not exhausting. Together, you will be able to love others more than you can do so alone.

Find your person. Let go of your past. Let go of your fear. Let go of your plans. Let go of your life. And find your rhythm together … with your person.

Why hello! Nochebuena to you and to all you hold dear in your heart! Oh, maybe you haven’t heard that word before, Nochebuena. You see, Nochebuena is a Spanish word referring to the night of Christmas Eve and celebrated on December 24 every year. For Latin American cultures, it is often the biggest feast for the Christmas season and is the annual Spanish tradition. Nochebuena is the Spanish word for Christmas Eve.

Christmas eve. The night we all wait on Santa Claus, reindeer, family and loved ones, and whatever angels you accept in your life. Yes, I’m working hard with that last sentence to keep us on the same page, I’m not trying to create a conflict with that sentence.

But I’m interested, what’s on your mind this night? How are you doing tonight? It has been a difficult year for most of the world. Many of us care enough about other people and are “maskers” and “social distancers”. Many others feel every day needs to be explored in ways that don’t permit social distancing.

Whatever your situation, the world has changed. And whatever you have gone through this year, if you are reading this, I care about you.

What’s on my mind? Why thank you for asking! Golly, that is such a complex question.

Well, you see, I’ve been thinking about west coast this Christmas Eve. But not the one that everyone knows.

I’m thinking about the people who aren’t having a night that is good. I’m thinking about the hundreds of millions of human beings on this planet that need your prayers and meditations, but need so much more than that The people who are trying to make it to tomorrow. I’m thinking about “The Invisibles”.

They aren’t thinking about Santa’s sled. They are thinking about their children who they are having an impossible time feeding. I’m thinking about the children who are starving in this country — and other countries in this world. Those children growing up malnourished and with fear every day, if they even make it to adulthood, are going to carry baggage in their hearts and their souls that I will never understand.

I’m thinking about the west coast, but not the one that everyone knows. And it isn’t just those people on that coast. I’m thinking about every human being who has been marginalized, every human being who is hungry, every human being that doesn’t have even basic healthcare.

And I hope you will spend just a moment considering them as well.

Here’s the west coast I’m thinking about. Thank you Paul David Hewson for the powerful lyrics in this song to remind me how blessed I am.

“A refugee is a person with ‘a well-founded fear of being persecuted for reasons of race, religion, nationality, membership in a particular social group, or political opinion.’” ~ The UN refugee convention (1951)

“I was cooking last night
Then all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
‘Cause the lights had gone out.

We laid out heads
On pillows near the headboard
Off to dreams
that the power would be restored.

Dreams, dreams,
I often don’t recall
And this night
The dreams were not right

When suddenly a smell
Wafted through my dream and the house
A smell quite strong
More strong than a mouse!

I woke with anxiety!
I woke with disconcert!
I woke with sobriety!
With concerns and alert!

The last I recalled
Before the power expired
Was cooking cheese noodles
On the stove I acquired!

Up from my bed
I roared in a fit
To the smell of a pot
On a red hot fire pit !

No one died
From the stove that night
And I will never understand
Why stoves don’t have an automatic cutoff where every fifteen minutes you have to push a safety button to keep it “on”. That’s just ridiculous and it should be criminal. How much does a mechanical timer cost anyway? Five bucks? Just dumb. As a public service announcement, please be careful when the power goes out. When it comes back on there could be problems.

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Well. I couldn’t figure out how to rhyme that last stanza. The envoy was not as short as I would have liked. The remains of a cooking spoon that had lived since my childhood is in the photo.

Hi everyone! Thanks for stopping by!

Okay, here goes. Here are my tasks as I ended the night last night.

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Tomorrow I will get up and do this all again… except for a few things differently.

• Will exercise tomorrow morning! I will do some type of HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training). More on this later

• Will have to fix this Mailjet

• Need to activate a few phones on my cell carrier

• Need to take back some product to Best Buy

• Need to exercise again tomorrow night

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Here’s how far I got…

Morning exercise

I did it! I woke up at 645 for a morning exercise. Wasn’t much. I’ve been working the 30 day six pack.

I’m not all that far into the exercise yet. But I figured something new out! Planks. Everyone knows planks are great for the core. Do this the next time you plank: Tighten every muscle in your body and do that plank! It is difficult to breathe while you are tight, but you will be toked!

Fix Mailjet

No love. I’m very disappointed. I think this has something to do with certificates. I’m working to change a few things around to fix it. I’ve gotten rid of the synthetic DNS records, and configured a few additional certificates. But, I’m not done. I spent about an hour on it.

But it is worse than I thought. It turns out nothing is sending through WordPress. It isn’t just Mailjet.

Now it is late, and I need to get this post out before the end of the night. Carrying this task on for tomorrow.

Activating a few phones

Absolutely did not work out. I’m with Sprint at the moment. I’ll have to write about this in separate email.

Return to Best Buy

Oh golly, not fun. I bought phones to activate on Sprint, and that didn’t work out. I went to return the phones to Sprint.

Best buy is just no fun. The people are great, the business is not. I’m told, oh, returnable until April 17th really means returnable until April 16th, they just write April 17th … for no good reason? It took an hour to return. I got on the horn with Best Buy Corporate, and they said, oh, yeah, just kidding about that April 17th date, we really mean a day that is not on your ticket, and that day has passed.

In the end they wound up sending me the shipping labels via email, and Best Buy said they would take care of the shipment back. It turned out okay, but it was quite a journey getting there.

Exercise at night

Absolutely did not happen.

Recap of the day? Woke up at 645. Short exercise. Shower, et al. Drove to work. Got home from work at 615 (about 12 hours gone for work related activities). Went to Best Buy. Got home around 915. Worked for an hour or so on SMTP, to no avail. Then wrote this post.

My list of activities for tomorrow

• Will exercise tomorrow morning! I will do some type of HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training). More on this later

• Will have to fix this Mailjet

• Take back something at Macy’s

• Create a post on The Privileged Race. Read a great email from a doctor who got doxxed via Twitter by a female patient. White Privilege, Nationalism, Male Privilege… all these things have taken more mental capacity than I thought possible.

• Write an article on how to use LinkedIn

• Need to exercise tomorrow night

This is going to be a difficult article. I recently heard about a friend of mine who has decided that drugs aren’t so bad, and he has chosen to use them. He says this is a completely sober decision, that he has done his homework on this one, that he isn’t addicted or anything, and that he is reasonably convinced that drugs aren’t the “ultimate bad thing” that many people put them off to be.

Gosh. I just want to say, just say no.

But it isn’t all that simple. Just telling someone what you believe to be true, especially a smart, intelligent man who has his life together? Saying, “Just say no” is like saying it might rain or it might be sunny. The words themselves don’t really mean much.

I thought I’d write about why I think the way I think. It isn’t something that I’m reiterating because I’ve been told to do so, it is because of my own life experiences, and the experiences of those who I’ve known through my short time on earth.

Let me promise you that I’m not here to judge you. I’m not trying to force you to believe like I believe. I’m trying only to encourage you to consider: What we do at each point in our lives has lasting impacts on us.

Are drugs “bad”?

Are drugs in themselves any worse than all the other crap we do to our bodies, like breaking ourselves in extreme sports, or eating hamburgers and other shitty food, or having these infamous sedentary lifestyles where we don’t get the exercise our bodies are supposed to get, or hanging out in the sun and getting these dark tans when later we’ll be faced with skin cancer, or living in congested cities and breathing the terrible polluted air that we’re forced to breathe, or drinking soda and sugary foods that have been proven time and again as terrible for our cholesterol and diabetes and internal organs?

I mean, really, are drugs any worse than all that other stuff?

Who knows.

When it is all said and done, you are going to die of something. You’ll get run over by a truck, or your parachute won’t open when you go skydiving, or you’ll drown in Cozumel on your honeymoon with the woman of your dreams, or maybe you’ll be a lucky one and you’ll die of old age after enduring a life of happiness. But in the end, we’ll all die.

With all that crazy stuff out of the way, are drugs bad? Really, who knows. But ask it a different way. Will doing drugs have an impact on your life? Yes, absolutely. Doing drugs will definitely have an impact on your life.

My friends do drugs

There is this saying in Spanish, maybe you’ve heard it. Dios los cría y ellos se juntan. In America they say Birds of a feather flock together.

You might think hey, my friends are doing drugs, and for me to have my friends I need to also do drugs. You are right to know that you are the company you keep. If your friends are doing drugs, you are likely going to be a drug user too.

Let me ask it a different way. Do you really want to be friends with drug users? Like it or not, most people do not do drugs. I don’t do drugs. Most of my friends don’t do drugs. If all your friends do drugs, man, go to a library or something, or a church, or something. Find new friends. In fact, one of the few nice things about church is that you are likely to find friends who are not doing drugs.

Friends have their own lives

Here’s a tale for you. Say you and your hombre are out drinking, maybe dropping a little 25i, smoking some Spice. This is your best friend, he has your back. He’s been there for you. He’s your wingman. He sells you only safe drugs, none of those laced up drugs. He isn’t hard on you for cash, he knows money is tough so he’ll hook you up even if you haven’t been paid.

The both of you are driving in your car to a party, and your buddy has a zip of marijuana to share with your friends at the party. You know things are going to go well for the both of you because you’ll be meeting up with your mamacita at the party.

Then, the lights come on. The policia are pulling you over for something. Whatever happened, headlight burned out, tail light burned out, ran a stop sign, but whatever happened, the policia decide to pull you over.

You really think if things go down like this that your amigo is going to take a bullet for the drugs? Or do you think your amigo is going to put the XTC under your seat and tell the federales, “Hey man I have no idea what is in the car, it isn’t my car”.

Let me clue you in. He is going to do exactly that. He is going to ditch the drugs wherever he can. Why? Because he’s going to think, maybe the policia won’t do anything, or maybe the policia won’t find the drugs, or maybe whatever, but if he comes clean with the policia right there, he is going to go to jail.

Am I calling your friend a shitty friend? No. I am not. I’m saying, this is real life man. When shit goes down, your friend, he isn’t saying that it is your drugs, he is just saying that it isn’t his drugs.

And in case you think you have a plan for when this happens, that you guys have worked out some kind of deal ahead of time? Yeah. Right. Mike Tyson said, “Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” And that is exactly how it is going to feel when you get arrested for your friend’s drugs.

Supplier ties

Here is one that I lived. This happened to me.

A little background here. In the United States it is common for apartment buildings to demand multi month leases, usually 12 months or longer. I had lived in an apartment for about 9 years, and I was getting ready to leave the city. The apartment building decided to demand the 12 month lease, and I was not willing to sign that lease. A friend of mine owned a home and was willing to rent me a room month-to-month. I took him up on that offer.

I quickly found out my friend was using drugs. This wasn’t a good thing, we both worked for a company that did random drug testing. I tried to talk with him about his using. He didn’t want to change, he said he had things under control. And I didn’t really care all that much. At the time, I was in graduate school, I had a busy life, his drug use didn’t affect me. So he continued to use, and I continued to pay rent. I never used drugs with him, we had our separate lives.

About six months into our roommate situation he came into my room with a shotgun! I remember, it was a rusty looking shotgun, he kept that gun in his boat. And I was like, what the heck is this about?

My new landlord, my long time friend, gave me the story. My friend told me that he always paid his drug debts. He had money, actually he had good money. He bought from a local guy who he had known for many years, an hombre from high school. Well, the local guy got in debt with his supplier. Apparently the local guy tried to make a deal with someone else and the deal went badly. And it turned out the local guy told his supplier that some of the buyers hadn’t been paying their debts, and my buddy was one of the people who had not paid.

The local guy called my buddy and told him to watch out, because the supplier was going to try to collect. My friend told the local guy that he had no debts! But that didn’t matter. The problem was, the local guy was in trouble and was looking for options. The local guy told my friend that he was trying to “buy time” with the supplier. He said he just needed a little extra time to get the money to pay off his debt. But he said that the supplier was more than pissed off.

So my friend decided he was going to “protect his property” if the supplier came after him for this debt that he did not owe.

I told my friend, as he was standing there with this rusty shotgun, man, you are in a bad way. You think you are going to defend your property against a drug supplier with that rusty shotgun? If they come for you, they aren’t going to come alone. In his irrational thought process, my friend said well, if they come, he’ll at least take one of them out before they get him.

Really, this really happened.

That happened on a Tuesday after work. I moved out on Saturday.

My friend never had the confrontation with the supplier. But he did go get help, and he realized that just the fact of buying drugs is dangerous. You wind up with people you don’t want to know in your life, or in your circles.

Imagine if this happened with a family, or with a wife, or with children around. Do you think knowing drug users with kids around is safe? It just isn’t.

Visas and immigration

Do you know what happens if you get caught using drugs? Or even just having drugs in your possession? Even someone else’s drugs? Or like earlier, if drugs wind up in your car or your room because your friend stored or dropped them there? Even if it happens by accident?

If you are in the United States on a visa, you are likely to face a bad situation. First, the United States will prosecute you. You’ll have a drug record. And then? Then they’ll deport you. You likely won’t be able to petition for another visa for at least ten years. The end of your time in the United States.

The same thing happens in most countries. You wind up in prison for many years. Don’t believe me? Go search for penalty for drug use in any particular country. It isn’t good.

And this is only if things go well. Things could go very worse.

What is the take away? The take away is, if you will ever want a visa to another country, don’t do illegal things. Regardless of whether drugs are “bad”, the impact drugs will have on your Visa opportunities are profound. If you have a drug conviction in any country, your United States visa vanishes. It is revoked. Don’t believe me? Then you don’t know the half of it.

Any illegal activity will immediately get you in more immigration and visa trouble than you’ll ever wish to know. Drugs are one of the worst of them. It doesn’t matter if they are “illegal drugs” or if they are prescription drugs that are being used illegally, both are classified as illegal by the government.

Current employment

Then there is employment. In all the jobs I’ve ever had the companies demand drug testing at the beginning, and random drug testing throughout your employment.

What happens if I get caught using or even having drugs? I get fired. Very first thing. Immediately. I don’t even have to be convicted, I only have to be arrested. The companies in the United States will simply terminate your employment.

Sounds harsh? Consider if you are the boss man. Let’s say you own a pizza company. You have one of your employees deliver a pizza. And the guy has a car accident. Guess what? You will get sued. Why? Because everyone gets sued when there is a problem It is just like that. When anyone lawyers up, everyone gets sued.

Then during the course of the investigation the prosecutor finds out that your employee, who you sent out to deliver pizza, had a prior drug conviction or was caught with drugs. Immediately, there is going to be concern that the delivery driver was high when he was driving.

And you, the owner of the company, is likely to be held responsible for sending this guy who you should have known about out with a car.

And as the owner of the company you are going to have to pay for being negligent, even if your employee was not “high at the time of the accident”. It is just that way. You think it isn’t like this? It is exactly like it is. I’ve been that boss who got sued. It was not a good situation.

Go ask a couple of employers what happens if you get arrested for any drug charges. If you don’t want to ask, then maybe you should realize that hesitation in you is maybe god’s way of telling you something is not so right about using.

Future employment

Did you just find out that your current employer doesn’t care about drug convictions? Let me promise you, that is not normal. Of all the jobs I’ve had, there are none that would have hired me if I were a drug user. It is even worse though. Many companies will simply discard your resume if you have had prior drug convictions.

Why? You think that is mean or harsh? Man, you have no idea. Companies won’t hire you for having a bad resume. Consider you as the boss though. You have to hire someone. If two resumes come to you with similar experiences, but one of the guys has been arrested for something — for anything, drugs or anything else — who are you going to hire? Come on, if you say you’d hire the guy who has been arrested over the guy who has no arrest record, you aren’t telling the truth. If I had to hire someone, I’d rather hire someone who did not have a police record. I’m not trying to judge anyone. It is just why not take the guy who has no record?

Illegal activity will get you banned in larger companies. It isn’t about judging anyone. It is about following the basic rules. If you are going to take risks, don’t take dumb risks like those involving drugs. Take smart risks.

But you said your friends are drug users. What about them? Man, going back to friends, go model your life after people who are successful. Dios los cría y ellos se juntan.

I have this saying: If you want to be a better billiards player, play billiards with better billiards players. Same goes for everything. Picture yourself in ten years. You’ll want a career by then. Don’t do something stupid today that might have this kind of terrible impact on your life tomorrow.

Health

What about health consequences? I don’t know. I have limited knowledge of health consequences, I’ve not researched health consequences in general for drug users. I know heroine is horrible, and a surefire way to die. I know that intravenous drug use will get you dead pretty quickly too.

I know that most drugs you’ll buy on the streets are laced or packed with something. Crack and cocaine are likely laced with Fentanyl, a deadly drug. Molly? Yeah, Molly isn’t somewhere you want to go man.

What to do instead

Gosh, there are so many things to spend your money on! Are you and your girlfriend spending ten bucks a day on drugs? That isn’t so much. Ten bucks a day. But ten bucks a day for a month will get you a stay in a nice hotel. Or a few very beautiful dinners. Or buy you a great guitar. Or a new computer. Ten bucks a day for two months will get you a plane ticket to almost any country in the world.

But what about the immediate right now wow factor? I mean, you are using drugs because you want the high now, not to go on vacation next month. Man, get yourself some beer. Or vodka. Or something that is legal. Or get drunk. Find different friends. Man if you need to, find yourself a new city, a new country.

You just don’t want this. Drugs are a gateway to a very bad life.

Try to picture yourself as an older man, say fifty years old. What have you done with your life by now? By fifty? Of all the things you’ve done by then, whether it is getting married, or having children, or building a great company, or going on a cruise with your mom, are you going to be proud of using drugs when you talk to your younger self?

Yeah, there are people who do just fine using drugs. But doing just fine using drugs is not the normal. Normally, drugs wind up being very bad news for everyone.

It just isn’t worth it.

Just say no.

Love you man. I really do. I think of you and your family every single day. I want the best for you and all of your family. Drugs aren’t the best. Go have a few beers. But figure something else out. Anything other than drugs.